It’s not something that you can just get over. It’s not something that is short lived. If you’ve never experienced it you cannot fathom how horrible it truly is.

When I was 15 I attempted suicide. I hated myself, I hated my life.

As I got older I began to get a better perspective of things, but the beast would rear it’s ugly head yet again during the years of abuse.

About 18 months or so into the messy relationship, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and put on anti-depressants. I had no support of family–well, I did, but there wasn’t much support that could be given being 2100 miles apart. I was a mess.

After the relationship dissolved and I started the healing process, I took myself off the medication. I was feeling better, but I also could not afford the prescripts anymore.
From time to time I still fight the ugly battle. Sometimes it’s easy and the feelings only last a little while. Other times it’s more difficult and those ugly feelings last for days.

Lately I’ve been dealing with negative feelings again, and they got me to thinking. I did a little soul searching and decided to write a poem in hopes that it would help others to see and maybe have a deeper understanding of what it’s like for people who suffer with depression. I’m not saying that everyone will feel exactly the same, as each case is different, some being more severe than others.

It is my hope that this post will help others to reach out to people around them. People who have depression may look OK on the outside, but hell is on their doorstep on the inside. For those who suffer from this beast, I would like to encourage you to REACH OUT and ask for help. Talk to someone, a trusted friend or family member, a counselor, a pastor, a doctor… Someone who can offer love and support and/or who can find help for you.


The bottomless pit
Devoid of any light
Darker than dark
Blacker than black

From deep within its walls
It’s echo… infinite
yet no one hears, but me

I grope around in the abyss
searching for a way out
But all I feel
is the slimy filth of emptiness.

I am alone.